I just lost half my potential email subscribers.
And it’s entirely my fault.
This isn’t just a lesson about landing pages, btw. It’s a lesson for every article you write, and every email you send.
My original ugly opt in page, converted at 14% (which already isn’t great, btw).
And after a month of testing, my beautiful, new, cleverly-worded email opt-in page converted at… 7%.
That f*cking hurt…
I added slick animations, beautiful aesthetics, and what I thought was powerful, benefit-driven copy. I was sure it would crush the old one.
I was wildly wrong.
That means for every 100 people who visit my site, 7 people would have opted in to my email list, but because I made my page “better,” they no longer see the value…
Let me show you both versions and break down exactly what happened.
Can You Guess How Badly the New Page Lost?
Let’s play a game.
I’m going to show you both versions. You already know the original was the winner.
The question is, why?
Look at them, read my thinking behind each, and then make your call.
This was the original.
No fancy animations. Just a simple, direct headline: “A business newsletter you’ll actually read.”
It leaned directly into the pain of writing online, challenged a few common myths about building an audience, and used a single screenshot as social proof.
This was my “upgrade.”
It had slick animations and a bold, benefit-driven headline, “The System to Get Your First 500 Followers.” The copy was clever, the aesthetics were beautiful, and it was designed to feel modern and professional.
Your turn: Leave a comment below with your guess: What’s the #1 reason you think the original one, won?
The Data Doesn’t Lie
The original page converted at 14%. The new, “fancier” version converted at just 7%.
The original didn’t just win — it performed 2x better.
That means I was failing to connect with half the people I could have been helping, simply because I wasn’t being clear.
Think about that for a second. That means I have to get twice as many people to click on my landing page to get the same number of email subscribers. That means I have to put in twice the work.
But more importantly, it means the number of people who visited my page, glanced over it, and left — when what I offer would have genuinely help them — is f*cking depressing.
Fundamental 1: Clarity Over Cleverness
The original’s headline, “A business newsletter you’ll actually read,” instantly addresses a known pain point (boring newsletters) and creates curiosity. It’s specific and relatable.
The new headline, “The System to Get Your First 500 Followers,” is a promise, but it’s a promise a thousand other creators are making. It’s not unique. It doesn’t cut through the noise.
Clever copy that isn’t clear is just noise.
Fundamental 2: Lead with Pain, Not Just Promises
The original connected with the reader’s current struggle first. It acknowledged that most business newsletters are boring and unreadable. It met people where they are.
The new page jumped straight to the solution without validating the problem. You have to make the reader feel seen and understood in their pain before you can offer them hope.
Promise without pain is just wishful thinking.
Fundamental 3: Raw Social Proof Beats Polished Design
The original used a simple screenshot of a reader’s comment — raw, authentic, and believable.
It felt real because it was real.
The new page, with all its animations and polish, created distance instead of connection. Sometimes slick design makes people think “This looks too good to be true” instead of “This person gets me.”
Authenticity builds trust; perfection can create suspicion.
Fundamental 4: A Single, Clear Call to Action
The original had one job: get the email address. Every element pointed to that goal.
The new page, with its multiple animations and sections, gave the reader’s too many things to look at. It was distracting.
When you give people too many options, they choose none.
Your Writing Is a Landing Page
This isn’t just about landing pages. It’s about every piece of content you create.
So many writers get lost in the “fancy” details — the visceral language, the perfect transition sentences, the complex storytelling frameworks. They polish the prose until it shines, but the core idea is murky.
They haven’t answered the reader’s fundamental questions:
- “What is this about?” (Clarity)
- “Why should I care?” (Pain Point)
- “What’s in it for me?” (Solution)
Instead, I see writers obsessing over:
- Whether their metaphors are creative enough
- If their transitions flow perfectly
- Whether their language is “visceral” enough
But their idea isn’t clear. The pain isn’t pinpointed. Their solution is cloudy at best.
The fundamentals matter more than the flourishes. Always.
Your article headline is like my landing page headline — it needs to be clear first, clever second. Your opening paragraph is like my social proof — it needs to connect with real pain, not just sound impressive. Your call to action is like mine — it needs to be simple and singular.
Stop Polishing and Start Connecting
Mastering the fundamentals isn’t a beginner’s task; it’s a master’s obsession. The best writers, like the best marketers, return to them every single day.
It’s easy to get distracted by the shiny new tactics, the fancy frameworks, the latest “growth hacks.” But the path to real connection isn’t about adding more; it’s about focusing on what truly works.
Before you write your next piece, ignore the fancy stuff and ask yourself these questions:
- Clarity: What is the one, single idea I want my reader to walk away with?
- Curiosity & Pain: Does my headline and opening line connect with a real pain my reader is feeling right now?
- Connection & Solution: Have I shown them I understand their problem before presenting my simple, clear solution?
These aren’t beginner questions. These are the questions that separate content that converts from content that just exists.
Your knowledge has value. Don’t let a lack of clarity hide it.
Go back to the fundamentals and share what matters.
Because when you get the fundamentals right, everything else is just decoration.
What do you think? Did you guess correctly about why the ugly page won?
